I am a bit distracted. Actually, I am very distracted and overcome with worry, and am hoping that the act of writing will be somehow therapeutic.
About 6 weeks ago I took my dog Mo, (Molasses BooDill) to the vets because icky looking mucus was coming out of one nostril, as if she had a bad cold. A sinus infection was suspected, (although the vet did warn me that very rarely this symptom could mean a sinus tumor, a very serious condition, but in which case we would see blood.)
She was treated with antibiotics and in a couple of days was fine. What a relief. Then last week, the greenish mucus came back, along with some occasional breathing attacks that looked like asthma, and a sudden onslaught of snoring while she slept. Off we went to the vets, where we talked some more about the possibility of cancer, but based on how she looked, (over all very good) and that there was no blood, we all agreed that it was probably allergies, or an infection again.
At first the mucus cleared up, and the snoring seems too have as well, but now the mucus is back, this time thiner, clearer, but tinged with blood. I have set up an appointment for Mo to go in on Monday for an x-ray to see what we can see, and I have also requested a probe and a swab to look for signs of anything stuck up there or signs of a fungal infection. (The later two test requests are from information which I gathered while researching her symptoms on the web... however sinus cancer does seem to be the main thing coming up on my searches.)
I am sick with worry, and also feel horrible that I have to leave her at the vets for a whole day, which I know shouldn't seem like a big deal in and of itself, but Molasses is very attached to me and gets depressed even at home with the other family members if I am not there as well. She has been know to get physically sick, (from both ends) when stressed, (such as being left at the vet's and separated from me) even for very short periods of time. She is a sweet and sensitive dog, and I do not want to cause her any undo anxiety. Luckily I have a friend who works at the vets, and has promised to keep her with her in her office for the waiting and recuperation time.
The really horrible thing about sinus tumors in dogs, is that even with aggressive treatment, which is very stressful for the dog, the long range outcome is generally only between a year and a year and a half. Without treatment the outcome is generally only 3 to 6 months. I know I am getting ahead of myself, but this is how I deal with things. I need to get a grip on my plan of action.
I want Mo to live as long as possible, and I want to be able to say that I did everything possible... but that's really all about me, my ego, my wants and needs. When I look at Mo, when I think about her personality, how anxious and upset she gets in certain situations, how depressed she gets when separated from me... I can not bring myself to think about putting her through all of the stressful tests and procedures that she would have to go through so that I can keep her a bit longer by my side.
My duty is to her. To insure her the best sense of love and protection and comfort as possible. When thinking of this I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I just want to do right by her. I want to protect her quality of life, and her overall sense of well being. Please keep her in your prayers. She truly is a special soul.
